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Good  morning, and welcome to  Amamus, an on-line resource for thoughtful, discerning attached men & women looking for an affair.

It is a genuine and free dating resource.  We do not provide escort or other similar services.

Our listing services contain genuine personal ads for married or attached dating from people in similar situations to yourself looking to form new relationships outside of their normal daily lives.

Registration and participation is free.  We do not collect any information about your identity, do not send any spam email to you and allow you to delete your profile at any time.

As a free, registered user you can post a profile, send winks, contribute to our forum and browse our member lists.

For more information, why not check out our FAQs or   follow us on Twitter:

Member Count
...and rising...

News & Events

12 Sep 2013 Absence

I've been absent for a while, hence the hiatus in the blog posts. Things are back on track so I'll be looking at implementing some sorely needed features. The first on my list is an internal messaging system. I did think we wouldn't need one, but that turned out to be somewhat of a miscalculation. So that's now what I'll be working on. Stay tuned. . .

13 Apr 2013 Another small enhancement

We are getting spammers on the system occasionally, who register and then send a wink to every member. To combat this, we are now limiting members to 5 winks per day, which is probably as many as a real member should use. As always, we'll see how it goes . . .

7 Apr 2013 A small enhancement

We've rolled out a small change. From now on, you can decide whether your profile is visible to other members. This may seem a bit counter-intuitive, but bear with us. The idea is to make the site a bit more female-friendly. One or two female members have commented to us that they get a bit overwhelmed by the disparity between male and female members - when they join, they get swamped with winks from eager males. So here's a bit of a helping hand. At any time. you can set your profile to be hidden, which means that you're not visible on the member listings. This will give you time to get yourself sorted, maybe read the forum, whatever. When you feel comfortable, set your profile to visible, bearing in mind that you can set it off again whenever you like.

Your profile name will be visible on any posts you make and also when you join up. But your details won't. Bit like like the dance of the seven veils.

We'll try this out for a bit and see how we get on.

22 Mar 2013 More detailed stats

More detailed stats are available via Member Listings. These figures show that we've reached a plateau of sorts. Or you can go here.

15 Mar 2013 We're not the only ones saying this . . .

We know that we do harp on about this a bit, but it's worth repeating. Most of the commercial affair sites are complete scam operations.  Here's a recent (note the date!) review of Illicit Encounters:


"What a waste of my time, money and energy. I now realize I was encouraged to join and ended up paying their ridiculous fees by fake messages from fake female profiles. It is so obvious. As others have pointed out below you only receive messages from 'women' when your paid membership has lapsed. Then these 'ladies' melt away once you've paid up. Illicit Enconters has zero to do with service and everything to do with greed and deceit. I doubt very much if there are more than a few hundred genuine women using the site. Most of the female profiles are either fake or have long since left the site. I'd estimate the male female ratio to be 20:1 or worse. You'd stand more chance of finding an affair partner in a nunnery. Save your moeny and go to a local bar and buy every lady in there a drink. you'd spend less and stand a much better chance of success. Do not give these money grabbing sharks another penny"


. - See more at: http://www.reviewcentre.com/Dating-Sites/Illicit-Encounters-www-illicitencounters-com-review_1885509#sthash.FJiQZmRQ.dpuf

8 Mar 2013 The three legs


John Thurman (Read the full article) talks compellingly about three legs that consititute an affair.


The first is childhood magic which describes the feeling that people often have when embarking on an affair. Its the entry into a world free from responsibility that is present in the real world.


The second is adolescent sexuality.  Remember sex in your twenties? Probably the best in your life for spontaneity and sheer physicality - remember that when you're younger all your senses are heightened. No wonder we dwell on memories of our younger days!


Finally, we have adult mobility. For people who want to have an affair, the ease of travel, modern communications, social networks make it easier to make and maintain contacts than ever before.


To be fair, John Thurman's approach is from the other side of having an affair. He's more concerned about not having an affair. And that's actually something you should think very seriously about before you emabrk on an affair..

8 Mar 2013 The three legs


John Thurman (Read the full article) talks compellingly about three legs that consititute an affair.


The first is childhood magic which describes the feeling that people often have when embarking on an affair. Its the entry into a world free from responsibility that is present in the real world.


The second is adolescent sexuality.  Remember sex in your twenties? Probably the best in your life for spontaneity and sheer physicality - remember that when you're younger all your senses are heightened. No wonder we dwell on memories of our younger days!


Finally, we have adult mobility. For people who want to have an affair, the ease of travel, modern communications, social networks make it easier to make and maintain contacts than ever before.


To be fair, John Thurman's approach is from the other side of having an affair. He's more concerned about not having an affair. And that's actually something you should think very seriously about before you emabrk on an affair..

15 Feb 2013 We shouldn't really have to say this but . . .

When we put this site together, we assumed that people would not use their real names as their user IDs. We thought that this was so obvious that it didn't need explaining. And the same applied to photographs. We assumed that people would not want their photographs published. Even if their SOs don't see them, there is always the chance that a work colleague may see them. Mind you, there would be the problem of how the work colleague actually came to see them.


You get the point.


So: -


  1. Don't use your real name as your user name.
  2. No. We won't be allowing photographs.
  3. And, while we don't expose your email to the outside world, we would suggest strongly that you get a separate email address for your extra-marital affairs.


Have a great weekend!

5 Feb 2013 The point of Amamus (or, at least, one of them)

Well, we've been running a while, now, and you can see that currently we have just over 500 members.  Note that we have a policy of dropping inactive members, so these are reasonably up to date.


We have some 480 male members and 34 female members, which makes a ration of 14 men to 1 woman. Take into account the fact that some female members are probably not genuine, and the ratio steepens.


So, what do we learn from this?


Well, it is possible (and that is meant as an ironic understatement) that certain extramarital web sites are manipulating their figures. (we're looking at you, Ashley MadisonLoving LinksIllicit Encounters etc. etc.

The conclusion that any reasonable person would reach is that they are not only manipulating their figures, they are also employing staff to lure naive people into the net and take their money.  And people who are disappointed are not likely to complain too much, are they?  The victims can't exactly go along to BBC's WatchDog programme to complain about being ripped off. Trading standards aren't likely to be knocking at the dating site's doors.

If you want an affair, sure, you may get lucky.  And people do. Occasionally. But don't overestimate your chances of success. They are slim. Behind these big sites are (possibly) armies of people on minimum wages, keeping the machine going. The machine that sucks you in, squeezes money out of you and then dumps you.


Before you embark on the quest for an extramarital affair, we would counsel you to think carefully about the risks and rewards. The risks are great. The rewards uncertain.


Continue once you understand what it is you are undertaking. There are other options, you know, than to be taken for a sucker.


13 Nov 2012 Suspicious profiles

Yes, some of the profiles (especially of women) seem to be a tad suspicious but the housekeeping system will get rid of them in due course.  Lots of design changes are stacked up but we don't have a huge amount of time for that - they will trickle through though.  All of your comments get read even if they don't always get acted on :)

12 Nov 2012 New search feature

Now we've made a small change to the member listings - the one that shows members by date joined anow allows you to filter by male or female members.  A small change, to be sure, but one that has been asked for quite a bit.  We hope it proves useful :)

We do intend to roll out several small enhancements like this in the future, so keep visiting :)

9 Nov 2012 Various things . . .

Gentle44Giant posted this link about dating sites:


Yep.  It goes on.  Actually, don't you have to be a bit naive to think that it doesn't?  On the one hand, you have people who want hope.  On the other hand, you have organisations that can make money from those hopes.  It's a bit of a no-brainer, really.

I can vouch for the fact that we don't manufacture any profiles.  In addition, we sweep out inactive profiles that people don't use.  This means that we present a reasonably realistic picture of how it is.  Of course, there are people who post fake profiles for their own reasons - but generally they're pretty obvious.  Wink at them at your own risk!

So, if after looking through Amamus' listings, you decide that it's better elsewhere, by all means you should do so.  But bear in mind what a real site, with good search engine results, gets in terms of membership.  And just ask yourself if what you see is realistic.

We've decided to go down the slow and sure route.  We make software changes and enhancements slowly, after careful consideration of comments in the forum.  We think this is the way to go.  We're not a white label site - our membership list is our own and we won't farm it out to anyone.  And because we're free, there's no reason to keep stringing you on.  What you see is the reality of extramarital dating :)


22 Oct 2012 And undesirables have gone

After reports about one or two of the female members going against the spirit of amamus by asking for money, they're scheduled to made into toast the next time our Housekeeper does her daily chores.  We did have a notification a couple of weeks back about one more but we've lost it (clumsy typing) so whoever it was, can you drop us a line so we can dump her?

You see, we like to keep things neat and tidy as far as membership goes.


We're doing some more work on seaching so you can find that needle in a haystack.  In the meantime, please keep visiting :)

16 Oct 2012 Unwanted members

Well, we knew that this would happen eventually.  We've had an account from one of our members that another member (female) has sent them a wink then asked for money to continue the communication.

Just to set the record straight, this is not coming from us.  We operate on a completely free basis and anyone approaching members for fees are doing so entirely on their own account.

We were hoping that we wouldn't get this issue, but, hey, that's life.  You always get someone trying to spoil your party :(

We're sorting out a process to weed out these undesirables.  If you are approached by anyone asking for money for introductions, we'd be grateful if you'd let us know so we can drop these members.


23 Sep 2012 Various things . . .



A website that promises to help people have discreet extra-marital affairs is using Mexico's presidential race to promote its services in the country.

Campaign front-runner Enrique Pena Nieto, of the Institutional Revolutionary Party, has acknowledged cheating on his former wife.

A billboard for AshleyMadison.com shows a photo of Pena Nieto wearing a white dress shirt with a red lipstick stain on the collar and a message that reads: "Unfaithful to His Family. Faithful and Committed to His Country."

The site's representative in Mexico is Ricardo Castaneda. He says that if the candidate had used it services "no one would have found out about the affairs." He says the company may feature other politicians in future billboards.

Pena Nieto spokesman Mario Sanchez says the campaign will issue a statement later.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/world/2012/06/06/cheating-website-uses-presidential-candidate-image/#ixzz27I16bCxU


You really have to hand it to Ashley Madison.  Their advertising is a little like Benetton's in the way in which they provoke reactions - a good example of the adage 'there's no such thing as bad publicity'.


The new housekeeping routines that we're running are doing a good job of weeding out the people who, for perfectly understandable reasons, sign up but never go any further.  Our membership is still increasing, but the rise is being dampened somewhat by the removal of the inactive accounts.


Yes, we know that this does result in lower headline figures for the membership.  But as we've said before, we started out wuth the idea that we were not going to inflate our membership figures.  What you see is what you get.  It may dash a few persons' dreams, but we don't want to offer false assurances.


We have to get round some facts. as shown by our experiences.  Genuine people looking for an affair are not as common as some people will tell you.  In particular, males looking for an affair are more common than females looking for an affair.  What would you prefer?  That we say that we 100,000 members, more than half of whom are female?  Well, that isn't going to happen here unless it happens really in our membership.


Or that we give you the real membership levels?

On another note :) do you find this believable?





My name is Dave. I work out of my house as a day trader and I have been married to my wife, Jill, for over 20 years. The life of a day trader is pretty hectic. I would wake up, get the kids to school and kiss Jill before she headed out to work. The thing that really bothers me about cheating is that our marriage wasn’t bad. We weren’t on the rocks and we were having sex 2-3 times a week. I think I fell into the trap that most men fall into after 20 years of marriage. The spice was gone. We had tried different methods with toys and lingerie, but everything was monotonous. It was always the same and I didn’t know what else we could do to satisfy my urge.

One day I was home alone and I had a spam message in my email from a sex dating website. When I went to delete it, I accidentally clicked on it instead. When the message loaded, I saw some very sexy pictures of members in my area. At first, I thought that I would innocently sign up for a free account just to look through the member profiles. It was the same thing as porn, just a little more dangerous. I opened a new email account so I wouldn’t get the emails in my personal account that Jill knew.

I started looking through the profiles and I saw women of all ages looking for intimate encounters. The thought of meeting one of these women was so sexy that I couldn’t help myself. I pulled out my credit card and paid for an account because of the “discreet billing.” If Jill asked, I would just tell her that it was some software that I needed for work. In the beginning, I thought, “What the hell? I’ll message a few girls and see what happens.” I never intended on putting a picture up.

A couple of days later, I had some messages from girls that wanted to talk to me. I couldn’t believe that these girls were interested after just one email. The things they were saying were very dirty and I have to admit that it was a direct contrast to the monotony of being with Jill. To make matters clear, I never stopped loving Jill. She was the mother of my children and my wife. Somehow I rationalized the physicality of sex to being something different than the emotional connection I had with Jill.

I decided to message the girls back and see what came of it. I didn’t think it would go anywhere, but in the back of my mind, I couldn’t wait for a response. One of the girls asked if I would meet her for lunch. I thought about it and after a while, I thought “What the hell.” I didn’t think it would go anywhere. Her name was Becky and she was gorgeous. She had long blond hair, blue eyes and a great body. In the middle of the lunch she told me that she had a hotel room.

I couldn’t help myself. Before I knew it, we were in the hotel tearing each others clothes off. We had sex for what seemed like a lifetime before we parted ways. The next day I got two more responses asking for dinner dates. I told the women that I could only meet during the day and they were accommodating. Becky was the slippery slope. Since her, I have been with at least fifteen different women and Jill has no idea.

I still love Jill and I wouldn’t give up my family for my alternative lifestyle, but the excitement of having sex with other women is too much for me to handle. I never meant to cheat on my wife, but now I don’t think I will ever stop.


It's quite a common technique, we think.  This is obviously a fake article designed to draw in naive readers to the advertisements (for Ashley Madison, amongst others) that decorate the margins of the piece.  If anyone has had good experiences out of the blue like this, feel free to let us know on our forum.

But we reckon that 99% of extramarital dating sites are really exercises in inflated claims.


13 Sep 2012 More work being done

Just for your information, we've just done a piece of work that will gather historical statistics about our membership.  What we're interested in is the relative split between male and female members - currently we have 268 male and some 28 female members.  Which means that we're running at about 10% female members.  Not very equal, but I guess that it does reflect the demographics of this special interest group.  We did have a suggestion that restricting the number of male members might help.  But we don't think that this would help at this stage.  We think that the proportion of female members is increasing.  Slowly, but increasing nevertheless.  No doubt this is a topic that we'll be coming back to in the future...

31 Aug 2012 Automatic housekeeping

Well, the first part of many aspects of housekeeping are now active.  Basically, if members don't use their profiles for a certain time (currently 3 months), then their profiles are removed from the system.  Today we got rid of about 25, so you will see that (if you're alert) that the number of members has dropped - yes, the number shown on the front screen is an actual real-time count of the number of member accounts...

Just one of the things we're doing to make this a better site.

21 Aug 2012 Weeding

Over the next couple of weeks, we'll be introducing some automatic housekeeping.  We'll be starting with a rule - if people don't sign on for three months or more (and we may reduce this time period), their account will be deleted automatically. The idea of this is to ensure that as far as possible, we have a fresh, active membership base.  This will result in a reduction in the number of members in the headline figures, but we're sure that everyone would prefer the figures to represent an accurate picture as far as possible. 

11 Aug 2012 Numbers

It's a subject we've harped on about in the past, but it still interests us.  Here's a quote:


One of the largest websites MaritalAffair.co.uk claims to have almost 600,000 members.

A spokesman for the site told The Times female members outnumber men by three to one.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2117516/British-wives-driving-demand-extramarital-dating-websites.html#ixzz23DcTlPeN

This doesn't seem to tally with the experiences here at Amamus Towers.  While scoring well on Google for 'extramarital dating' and 'extramarital affairs', our female to male ratio is very low.  we make no apologies for this - it's the way things are, and in our experience, the imbalance will sort itself out in the long term.  Of course, we could spend money on advertising (and Google would be more than happy to take our money) but we would then have to recover the money from members.  And at this stage, we don't have a big enough membership base.

So we'll continue as we are.  But there is something you can do, if you're already a member.  Contribute to the forum and give Google more original content to index.  This will increase our exposure on the internet and the consequence will be that we will end up with more members.  We'll then see a swing to a better distribution of male/female members

Oh, and the figures quoted by maritalaffair.co.uk?  You make your own judgement Laughing

6 Aug 2012 Wink system fixed

OK, the wink system has been sorted.  It now correctly lets you know when a wink has been sent.  Also a reminder has been attached to the Wink button - if you hover over it, a message is shown to the effect that winks can only be sent to confirmed users.  Hope this improved matters somewhat.

5 Aug 2012 Back again

Had a bit of a holiday over the last couple of weeks.  Now that we're back, regular (or otherwise) blogs updates will be done and site development will continue.  We're looking forward to building the site into worthwhile competition for the other sites.  We feel that we can improve on what they offer.

5 Aug 2012 Wink mechanism problems

We're still getting problems with the wink mechanism - it's reporting when you send a wink OK, but the messgae isn't clearing when you select another member.  We're working on it to find out the problem and we'll have it fixed ASAP;

15 Jul 2012 Sign-ons fixed.

Had a bit of a problem with the registrations screen.  That should be OK now.

12 Jul 2012 Wedding rings


Now, far be bit from us to point out something that's really not of any interest to our members LOL but here's something that caught my eye recently.  It's a wedding ring with the words 'I'm married' embossed into the inside of the ring so that after you've worn it for a bit, the words are pressed into your skin.  At $550 a pop (actually that is quite expensive as it's made of titanium).  Just wondering 'what's the point?'  I'm sute you are as well.  Anyway, you can get it from here

12 Jul 2012 Adultery synonyms

Here at Amamus Towers, we have way too much time on our hands.  How many synonyms are there for having an affair?

We came up with:


A bit on the side


Extramarital sex

Fornication.  I quite like that, myself,  It sounds so dirty!

Adultery (boring!)

Affairs (quite like that)

Flirtation (not quite the same thing, but very important)

Sleeping around (I never really like the idea of sleeping with a lover.  We wanna have fun, not ZZZs)

and from the Interweb:

act of loveadulterous affairaffairamouraphrodisiaassballingcarnal knowledgeclimaxcohabitation,coitioncoituscoitus interruptuscommerceconcubinagecongressconnectioncopulacopulation,couplingcriminal conversationcuckoldrydiddlingentanglementeternal triangleextracurricular sex,extramarital relationsflirtationforbidden lovefornicationfree-lovismfree lovehanky-pankyillicit loveincest,infidelityintercourseintimacyintrigueliaisonlove affairlovemakingmaking it withmarital relations,marriage actmatingmeatonanismorgasmovumpareuniapremarital relationspremarital sex,procreationrelationsromanceromantic tiescrewingsexsex actsexual climaxsexual commercesexual congresssexual intercoursesexual relationssexual unionsleeping withspermtriangleunfaithfulness,venery

11 Jul 2012 Support

Just a reminder that as our software is new and custom-built, there are a few niggles with it at present.  If you experience any problems, contact us at via email and we will respond.  It helps us out if you point out problems - we may not have seen them ourselves.  And we do respond - Fred and shiny_guy will attest to thatSmile.


On with the news and it's apparent that extramarital dating is a subject that makes the rounds in the press on a regular basis.  We can't be sure (and this is something we've banged on about before) that the figures that they quote for membership of these sites are real.  For example,


Ashley Madison, a US-based website specialising in “discreet affairs” said it received a new British member every 45 seconds. More than 150,000 Britons use the site each week.


Ashley Madison is, of course, very successful.  We can't speak for them, of course, but... doesn't it seem a little far-fetched?  I mean the new British member every 45 seconds?  The thing is, that's ... let's see ... just under 2,000 new members every day.  That's roughly 14,000 every week or a around 60,000 every month, or 720,000 new members per year.


My word, we are an unhappy nation!

Our approach is a bit different.  What we do is put on the front page the current membership level.  It doesn't yet split it down by sector such as gender, but we're working on it.  Then at least you can see what the real picture with us.

9 Jul 2012 Bugs etc

We've had a couple of reports where the confirmation link in the email sent to new members isn't working.  We think we've tracked down the problem and have put in a fix.  If anyone has problems with this, get in touch with us at  admin@amamus.co.uk and we'll help you out.

It seems to occur with some email systems.  Currently we know that Yahoo mail was a problem but that should be OK now.  If anyone else see this, could you let us know?  Just tell us the email system (e.g. Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail) that you're using.

Thanks in advance

5 Jul 2012 Various


Here's a couple of images from a swiss extramarital dating site called SwissInfidelity.ch.  We're hardly treading on each others' toes, so we're happy to give you a link to it.

Everyone's at it, it seems . . .

The pic is quite impressive.  Nice soft focus, and married people who look like models.  Wait a minute . . . 

They are models!

I never saw that coming . . .

It's curious that many advertisements bear no resemblance to the final product.  For example, MacDonalds and slimming and exercise oriented sites,

Let;'s face it.  Like a lot of things in life, a Big Mac is a bit of a disappointment.  But hey, sometimes it's the only game in town.  Slimming and exercise sites try to show you what you could be like - no baldies, fatties, zit-faces etc.

At Amamus, we're realists.  We don't entice you in with 'free' membership.  Note the quotes around 'free'.  Basic membership is free, true, but dysfunctional.  In order to get anywhere, you have to spend some cash.  Which is fair enough.  But we're really free.  No credit cards, cash, moolah, wonga, whatever.  Pretty models?  No thanks!  We think our target is the more realistic part of the market.  People with nous.

And the Swiss extramarital affairs and dating site?

They have 1,000 plus members, which isn't at all bad for a country that size that has the added handicap (or whatever you'd like to call it) of a large Roman Catholic population.

I'll never be able to view a bar of Toblerone in quite the same way again.



4 Jul 2012 Have a heart . . .


Men with coronary heart disease do need to follow the rules. When heart attacks occur during or after sex, they almost always involve older men engaged in extramarital affairs with young women. For those men, it would have been safer to stay at home and burn off excess energy on a treadmill in the basement.”

It's probable that people indulge in extramarital affairs partly because of the risk.  Maybe it's a variation on the gambling buzz - the risk is getting caught at it, but the reward?  Well the reward can be either one of two things - there is the reward of the affair itself.  Or there is the reward of getting one over (no pun intended) on your partner. Most people would agree that their motive is some combination of those two.

The risk of having a heart attack?  Compared to the other risks?  An affair is more likely to make you fitter.  Here's why:

You get sex.  Hopefully lots of it.  And we all know that's good for you *

You have to keep fit.  At least a little bit.  If you are going to be successful at the extramarital game, then you will have to make yourself presentable.  Love handles?  No.... Muffin tops? No....

As long as you handle the organisation correctly, you might be able to improve your health.  A case of having your cake and eating it?

* Do not take any risks with STDs.  You know it makes sense.

4 Jul 2012 Early registration privileges

We think we've talked about this before, but we're inclines to give people who register special privileges.  Sort of 'pioneer' status.  To reflect the fact that you took the plunge before some of the others.  The details of that we haven't laid out yet, but it's just another way of thinking about our membership and how we're going to grow.

If you have any suggestions, why not either email us at admin@amamus,co.uk or post on the forum?  The good thing about posting on the forum is that it may answer other people's questions as well as your own.

You'll also see continuous development.  We tend to do lots of small updates to the system software so that you may find that the behaviour of the site changes slightly from time to time.  If a change turns out to be a pin in the ass, let us know :)